so long

in the name of Allah, my Lord, my everything. inshaAllah.

semacam lame sahaja perasaan ini. i mean, writing the very last post for the year of 2011, while others are having great time, celebrating the new year's eve with their very own ways. dengan perhimpunan 1000 jiwa, 1 hati, mabit, tuition tafsir fizilal di gombak etc.

tapi, semestinya, perasaan kita itu, kita yang harus pilih. mahu gembira atau tidak. mahu bahagia atau tidak. dan saya memilih untuk berasa TENANG dan BERSYUKUR. SELALU. inshaAllah.

i'd just like to stop. for a while to look back and remember all sorts of good and sweet things i have in life. i thank Allah for granting me everything i love. everything i want. everything i need, apparently. thank you Allah, for not charging me every breath i take and oxygen i use for free for more than 23 years. i mean 19 actually.

let's count His blessings.

f-r-i-e-n-d-s

surely i've lots to be remembered on this subject. having great puasa and raya time with all of my besties, weddings etc. tunggu 'anak buah' je nihh... :)

my family life.

last eid was the first eid without tok wan with us. i wasn't there when he's gone. we had very least interactions and communications but he left a deep, empty space inside me. and i bet, my father was the one who had the deepest pain and lost. may Allah bless my late tok wan, until we meet again, in His jannah. inshaAllah.

adik and peja were successfully done their diploma. but of course, peja missed his graduation day. -_-' we have three 1st class engineers in house. say 'worry no more' to short circuit' hehe...

bang pis is now engaged with a sweet lovely kakak. i guess everybody is looking forward to his menikah day. oh, it's a pre-invitation as well to you, who read this post (especially to bang pis' friend whom i scratched his orange modified kelisa last time, when i was so sleepy that i banged his favorite car with my mother's auto gate +_-).

Y-U-Y-U

it'a a meaningful year of my yuyu life. Allah huAkbar, walillahilhamdh :)

benarlah bila inche SYed Qutb berkata di dalam mukaddimah Fi Zilal nya, ke'best'an something itu hanya dapat dirasai oleh mereka yang pernah merasainya. nak tahu betapa lazatnya ukhwah dan betapa syok nya menatap wajah akhowat, i invite you to join this 'jihad of love'. semoga Allah menjaga hati kita semua, sampai kita kembali menemuiNya, menyambut ucapan 'salaam' dariNya.. Allah huAkbar :)

mungkin tasik PKNS akan jadi kenangan paling indah, remembering the late old days of yuyu time and most importantly, the 'ABC paling sedaaaaaaaaap sedunia' treat by Kak Siti and kak Akhma, back in 2009. i guess it was a rightful beginning of this road. may Allah grant us jannah, boleh makan ABC yang sumpah tak terbayang sedapnya di dunia ni :)

ada sesuatu yang berlaku. sebuah perubahan pada tahun 2011. dan hakikatnya, demi perubahan itu terlalu banyak yang saya pelajari. Allah huAKbar, walillahilhamdh. kefahaman dan pengorbanan. dua kata yang sungguh besar dan berat untuk dimaknai. untuk setiap hati bersih yang menyentuh jiwa ini, semoga Allah sahaja yang mengganjarinya.

ohhh...! ini.... bahagian ini.... sesuatu yang terlalu indah. hadiah yang paling manis dari Dia, jatuh, tidak jauh dari saya. ya, kadang-kala meredah gelap malam demi 1 jam yang bermakna itu cukup menakutkan. dengan kes 'gadis bermasalah' dan entah semangat apa yang mendorong saya berjalan lebih laju daripada menunggu bas sumpah seranas, semuanya menjadi bahagian indah dalam hidup saya. this is what i call 'night life'. dan bila mereka terbang jauh, separuh dari hati saya turut pergi.

she's just an arissa, the master-jee to be...

satu tahun yang... humn...jika mengikut pola perkembangan ibu-ibu mengandung, pastilah saya sudah masuk ke tahap kritikal luar alam. one year and yet, masih belum mempertahankan (read: defend) proposal saya. beberapa kali on and off reading mood plus dua kali meletakkan mood menulis dalam keadaan koma didarab dengan 5 kali bertukar tajuk research, memang tidak boleh dibantulah, jika saya masih mahu bermain sorok-sorok dengan doktor supervisor =_='

oh, secara rasminya, saya sudah tidak bekerja dengan Dr.O (bukan nama sebenar) lagi. no more SKS a.k.a hard labor routines. hehee ^^, alhamdulillah, saya sudah punya penghasilan. takdir yang begitu sempurna susunan juga aturannya dari DIA. dan segala duka itu satu keindahan. semua cinta itu suatu kedamaian.

sebuah persidangan penterjemahan antarabangsa. kerja gi-la. dan saya hanya mahu katakan sesuatu dengan indah sekali. stop listening to others. usaha itu bahagian kita, tetapi pertolongan dan takdir yang terakhir itu dari DIA. kita hanya perlukan sebuah keimanan yang menjadi sumber keberanian. titik.

menjejaki taman syurgaNYA, dari raudhah Baginda SAW. sebuah rasa yang... terlalu sukar untuk diungkapkan. dahulu, lewaty usia 15 tahun saya sudha memasang azam mahu sampai ke bumi Bakkah itu, dan Dia sampaikan. alhamdulillah. berharaplah, dan kita akan menuju apa yang kita harapkan itu. inshaAllah, jika dipanjangkan usia, dimurahkan rezeki, dengan izinNYA, 2015 (kena mula menabung hey!) saya mahu ke sana semula. kerana Dia inshaAllah :)

err...

hahahaha. saya masih begitu, tidur di mana-mana sahaja, sesepah mana yang saya mahu, terutama sekali dalam waktu-waktu genting. sekian.

paling utama, 2012 ini, memang tahun KITA (quote, unquote). Kuatkan Iman, Tingkatkan Amal. tahun baru tu, bagi saya hanya nombor. sebab tu umur saya masih 19 dari 4 tahun dahulu. eh.

apa yang paling penting, setiap hari kita mesti berusaha untuk memberi dan menjadi yang terbaik. hidup hanya sekali. bagaimana kita memanfaatinya, itu nanti yang akan disoal di sana. rancang dengan apa yang ada di tangan. kembali kepada Dia, semoga Dia lapangkan segala urusan.

azam saya hanya satu. mahu kembali kepada Dia dalam keadaan jiwa suci, yang paling Dia redhai. amin.

we never blamed LOVE even LOVE has caused PLENTY of wars

In the name of Allah, my Lord, my everything inshaAllah.

In a first place, the title I have above for this post has no relations with any part of the entire post I'm about to write.

But in case you're kinda so affected with the title I put before the post, that should tell us something about yourself and how your mind operates. hehh... (gelak keji). when people say, don't judge a book by its cover, I'd rather put 'don't judge a post by its title'. that is stereotyping.

welcome to the dunya, where things are not always what they seem (boonaa mohammed)

yes, we need some basic information from preconceived thoughts we have by stereotyping things, people or events in life just to give us rough ideas on how things work and how we can do about it. but being so glued with certain thoughts might hinder us to accept new knowledge and to attract new experience.


alright. enough of explaining the title and post relationship. I guess I've put too much efforts in doing it (Kedahans -(read like Malaysians) say pulun) which I know I can ended up writing about something else.

....

Last time I met Dr.D, I showed her my fifth draft of my research proposal. the very same case Matlutfi had with his lecturer or supervisor.


Dr.D: Let's just forget about this.
Me: Huhh...?

(silent for 5 seconds while she took her time to analyze my reactions)

Dr.D: Let's just forget about your proposal

----> before she could continue with her next phrase I have this thought in mind of which only God knows how scared I was for the next millisecond. the scariest part if I can say in my entire life. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy scarier than having hantu kumkum standing before you. okay. that's too much.


Dr.D: Let's just forget about your drafts for a moment.

(well, that definitely, officially puts my writing-mode in a temporary comma)

Dr.D: I can see that you have done your homework, but still ....


well, the rest is history. I bet you'll never wanna know that or it'll make you think 34 times before you wanna give yourself a chance of being a master-jee in research in your next future. sekian.


anyway. that what I call master-jee's life. I know, venturing in into something that you know how much efforts you've put in it and it turned out to be a frustrating end, is seriously tiresome, ho-hummed and up to a point you really wanna give in.

nothing can beat that feeling. except by knowing one fact. and knowing it is not enough. we must understand it well, digest and internalize it within us.

the fact that...

--------> we're human. a slave to our Creator <---------

understanding it, gives us a good reason to calmly accept what is written for us. it's just as simple as knowing where you stand and what that position demands from you. after all, there are lots more to be cherished and treasured in this life. He gave us and still providing us with all of our needs and necessity. not to mentioned all the love we have in this world which counting the bless is the only thing He wants from us (though He seriously doesn't need that. not at all).

why so sad? doesn't He promised us that with every hardship, there is relief? doesn't He promised us that with every calamity, it's a chance for us to be close and near to Him?

apparently, it's always easier said than done.

and not many knows that it's just the way we perceive things. it's just how we accept and respond to all sorts of tests being imposed to us.

if we took it as a punishment, then please enjoy the suffer. if we took it as a loss, then do enjoy the pain.

it's our mind, and paradigm.

when we can turn the stress into eustress, why waste the energy pondering and dwelling over the things which are beyond our control?

when we have every chance to become a better person, why wait and hesitate?

let's just choose to be thankful. let's just choose to be happy. we have no time to waste on things which cannot be undone. trying so hard to control the effects of everything we do can only bring us distress. the more we carry on our shoulders, the harder for us to move.

Leave all of our affairs and burdens to Allah, for Him to take care of them as He is the best plan maker. our only part is to do our very best in every single thing we strive in this world. and believe you, me, He will cater the rest.

if, and if only we're living with the fact that we are HIS SLAVES, do we have any reason to feel sad, abandoned and distress?

how man gets and forgets
how He gives and forgives
yes, everyone will die
but not everyone truly lives
on their hands and knees
to the skies begging "please...
do what is worthy of Thee;
not what is worthy for me
Ar-rahmanniir Rahiim, Maaliki yawmiddiin
if it is not for His blessings
then we would have nothing
so feel no ways calling myself his slave
no matter what they say
to HIM, alone, I pray.

(boonaa mohammed, how to become a slave)

lalat-lalat masa. lagi.

Bismillah ;)

Alhamdulillah, thumma Alhamdulillah, thumma Alhamdulillah.

Baru sedar, notion 19-forever itu sangat menyesatkan.

Err, maksud saya tidak begitu membantu. Setiap kali mengingat umur abang atau adik-adik saya jadi keliru dengan diri sendiri.

Sebenarnya dah umur berapa, ya aku ni?

*sigh* (-_-)’

Ya, saya akui, sangat teruk. Orang yang anti-math juga formula physics pun tidak begitu.

Hey, I’m turning 24 next year. And only last week I realize that. Seeing all of my cousins who are also my ‘rakan sebaya’ getting married and what not, made me wonder, why I was left behind :p haha. Peer preasure, they call this. I used to be number 1 in exams and whatsoever achievements among us. However, this time around, guess I need to give them way. That hurts the most. But that don’t bother me. Not at all. If He wills it, esok juga saya menikah (Miss Syeikh, 2011).

Sedar-sedar (mujur sedar) sudah menjengah ke November. Abang sudah mahu bertunang dan akan mendirikan rumah tangga kurang setahun dari sekarang, inshaALLAH.

And surprisingly, I’m in my middle of second semester as a Master-Jee. And I’ve done very least during my first semester. Though they said it’s normal to push everything back on our second semester, but I consider that a failure is inefficient for a chiku’s novice researcher like me. I read something like this yesterday..

“Orang yang melakukan perkara sia-sia, akan merasakan masa itu sangat kosong tidak bermakna juga membawa dia kepada penyesalan”

Dan yang sebaliknya, begitulah. Sekiranya kita beramal dengan perkara yang bermanfaat, kita tidak akan dirugikan. Indahnya islam mengajar kita untuk menjadi umat yang paling ngetop! Lagi top daripada Baim Wong. eh.

Above all, in 24 years of our so-called ‘living-life’, have we met the purposes of our existence in this world? If we said we do, how excel we are in performing our responsibilities as a servant and caliph if not for others, to ouselves at least? Naa~ keep the answer to youself, because I won’t even judge that. We know how ‘well’ we’re doing. Our solah, our tadarus, our akhlak, our ibadah and many more. He knows best indeed. To whom are we lying? No other, but our own self.

T________T

Saya sempat mendengar apa yang Diana Amir (pelakon) jawab bila ditanya wartawam Melodi tentang apa yang mendorong dia berubah untuk mula menutup aurat dan bertudung (jangan tanya kenapa saya tonton rancangan melodi tu sambil menolong emak memasak di dapur).

“Saya dengar kawan saya bercakap tentang islam dan saya sedar yang hidup kita di dunia ni, sementara saja. Akhirat itu yang lebih utama. Dan apa pun yang berlaku, saya harap saya tidak akan berpatah balik menjadi saya yang dahulu”

T________________________________T

Well, I was touched. Seriously.

Bagaimana manisnya iman itu dirasai hingga dia benci untuk kembali kepada keadaan jahiliah sebagaimana dia benci dicampakkan ke dalam api neraka. Itu bahagian dia. Rezeki juga ketentuan Allah buat dia.

Sedang kita?

Kita yang sudah merasa baik. Indah. Okey. Sempurna. Bagaimana pula kita menggenggam hidayah juga kebaikan dari Dia yang memberi kita nikmat iman juga islam itu?

Kawan, iman itu bukan percuma. Ia tidak akan kekal dalam diri tetapi pasti akan terluput tanpa kita sedari jika ia tidak dijaga dan dipelihara.

Imam Abu A’laa Almaududi dalam Dasar-dasar Islam (DDI) menegaskan bahawa iman dan islam itu perlu usaha untuk terus kekal dalam diri. Lahir sebagai muslim tidak menjanjikan kita selamanya akan kekal muslim.

Muslim kah kita jika seisi hidup kita tidak mencerminkan langsung keislaman kita itu? Mungkin ramai yang pernah mendengar, muslim atau islam itu bukan sekadar pada nama. Muslim dan islam itu datang pada amal dan perbuatan kita. Kadang-kala orang yang bukan islam pun lebih ‘islam’ berbanding kita. Dan kita okay dengan itu. Apakahhh?

Kalau kita tidak mahu menerima islam sebagai cara hidup, kita belum benar-benar muslim. Kalau kita belum mengamalkan islam juga ibadah kita dengan penuh kesedaran dan juga kesengajaan melakukannya demi redha Allah, kita belum juga benar-benar islam.

Eh, jangan marah saya kalau saya menuduh atau mengatakan yang kita ini belum cukup muslim. Marahlah kepada Inche Abu A’laa Almaududi, ya. Beliau yang berkata begitu dalam DDi ;) sekian,aman

(-_^)Y!

Err, I thought I started with something like ‘how time flies’ but obviously, I ended up with something else. Heh, genetically programmed, please pardon the flaw.

Ya, masa begitu pantas berlalu. Normal, akhir zaman dan saya kira kita semua tahu itu. The fact that we know about it, has it changed us into something better which makes us MORE human?

Kalau belum, mari kita mulakan perjalanan menuju ke ‘sana’ dengan mencari kebenaran juga erti hidup ini yang sebenarnya.

Dia sudah beri kita segalanya. Jiwa yang sempurna untuk mengenal baik dan buruk. Akal yang sihat untuk mengambil pengajaran. Sekarang, terserahlah.

Allah huAlam.

"From Anas bin Malik RA, the Prophet said:" The three things when it is on someone, they feel the sweetness of faith: Who is the love of Allah and His Messenger more than his love for the other who love to other people because God (and not because of a secular purpose); and hates to return to disbelief after Allah saved (from sin), as aversion will be thrown into the fire. " (narrated by Muslim)

this is it

in the name of ALLAH, my Lord, my everything inshaALLAH.

I don’t think that i need to mention how hard I update my post nowadays. hah-ha~ Too many things occured and as usual, I took too much time pondering and coping well with them.

- My never ended proposal and the defence thingy, Dr.O’s paper work plus some other make-ups for my scholar and like.

More often than not, we’ll be so envy and distress looking and thinking of others’ being.

What a peaceful and great life they have.

What a pleasant things and stuff they enjoy. etc.

The very point we forgot about how well we’re actually living this life, there are lots of others who wanted to live our lives.

Yes, there are points in life where we feel so down and hopeless for things which are beyond our capabilities but hey, that’s THE learning process. We keep on praying to be given the strength in enduring this life but we apparently misinterpret His way of doing it when He placed on us such ‘burdens’ to make we learn what strength means. He tested us with every weaknesses and limitations we have so that we can become a better person each day in our life.

Yes, the past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased. It can only be accepted and improved.

Let’s move on. Do not become the victims of our own minds by wondering on things which are not ours to mind, neither control. Be positive.